Originally published on The Whole Sky
Jeff and I are expecting a third child in June. We gave away most of our baby stuff in the interim, so I’m now considering what stuff to get. Since I’m more experienced than I was the first time, I feel like I don’t need to do as much trial and error. [Some updates made 2024, after third baby.]
Basic ideas
I’m being neither super minimalist nor maximalist. You might get more or less stuff depending on your budget, your tastes, and the space you have.
Babies grow out of things fast. If you want to save money, you can get almost everything used from friends, Ebay, Facebook marketplace, Craigslist, and Facebook groups like Buy Nothing [name of town] where people give things away. It’s cheaper and lighter on the environment. When you’re done, you can send stuff back into the same system. (The same is true for maternity clothes and gear.) In the US, I’ve found Target a good source for low-priced baby stuff.
I found it hard to think about buying things that I’d only use for a few months, but they’re intense months. You’ll use a lot of baby products every day. And again, the beauty of the secondhand market is that if you get something and don’t like it you can resell it.
Clothes
Rather than individual clothing items, I get bundles of clothes for a given size. Stores sell 3-packs and 5-packs of onesies, pants, etc in colors that kind of go together. You can get bags of clothes in the various sizes from any of the sources listed above. Remember seasons (if you’re having a summer baby, you want lightweight newborn clothes and warm 6 month clothes). After that it gets less predictable, so I wouldn’t prioritize getting 9 month and 12 month sizes until you know if you have a big, medium, or small baby.
“Newborn” size clothes are sized for babies around 5-8 pounds, and an average baby weighs around 7.5 pounds already at birth. You can probably skip newborn sizes and go straight to 0-3 month sizes.
If you just buy stuff that’s cute, you will end up with lots of cute patterns that don’t go with each other. Now I try to go for patterned/interesting tops and solid color pants so that a randomly selected outfit isn’t clash-y. (Or maybe just decide to not care if things clash.)
Hats: If you live anywhere at all cold, get a warm hat both for warmth and to reduce the rate of older ladies telling you the baby needs a hat. Sunhat for summer. The hats will fall off and get lost at some point, but they can wear a too-big hat in a pinch.
Carrying
Infant carseat: even if you don’t have a car, you will need this at some point. We used a hand-me-down from a family member – tips on safety of used seats. Note that they won’t let you go home from the hospital if your carseat is past its expiration date. If you want to use a stroller with the baby in the first year or so, you might want to get one that snaps into a stroller frame (examples). It is possible to fit 3 carseats across the back seat of a standard car — there are several guides.
Some kind of carrier: Even if you never go anywhere in it, I would still get one to use around the house to be able to hold the baby hands-free. Also good when the baby is fussy and wants to be close to you and in motion. If you can learn to breastfeed in the carrier, even better. We used a stretchy wrap for the first several months, but they’re hot to use in summer. They look complicated, but if you can learn to tie shoelaces you can learn to tie a wrap. Wirecutter on soft wraps and slings
For older babies and toddlers, we used a soft structured carrier. The Baby Bjorn is popular but not very comfortable – there are better ones out there. We used our Ergo for errands, parties, conferences, travel, everything. We continued using it as late as age 3 for when a child was sick and wanted to be held at all times. Wirecutter on structured carriers
father-in-law with our baby in a stretchy wrap
You will want a different type of stroller (or no stroller) depending on your needs. If you’re commuting on city buses and in all weather, you’ll want something different than if you’re using it for the occasional stroll. We just used a carrier for our first child, and got a double stroller once we had two. Wirecutter has reviews for various types of strollers, and Lucie’s List has more extensive reviews for specific needs (including twins).
Cold weather gear:
In the car: The recommendation is to not have a puffy suit between the baby and the carseat straps, so the straps fit snugly to the baby. We often just tucked a blanket around the baby in the carseat.
In the stroller: Searching for “bunting” or “carseat cover” will get you warm zippered bags for using with carseats or strollers. Or tuck a blanket around them.
In the carrier: This could be a blanket tucked around the baby, and/or a snowsuit type thing. If you plan to wear the baby a lot in cold weather, might be worth having a way to wear the baby inside your coat. I sewed a panel into my coat, or you could get a coat that’s very large for you, or you could buy a coat intended for babywearing.
I find baby socks pretty pointless; they fall off or the baby pulls them off. If their feet are cold, I suggest pants or suits that come with built-in foot coverings, or slippers that stay on with elastic or velcro.
Cleaning
Diapers and wipes: We cloth diapered for the first 6 months and then decided this was not an additional task we wanted in our lives. Now we use disposable diapers. The big boxes of storebrand ones from Target are cheap and worked fine for us. Diapers come in scented and unscented; check for this if you have a preference.
Diaper pail: Many of the specialized diaper pails like the Diaper Genie only work with special bags that cost more than normal trash bags. We ended up using normal lidded trash cans and normal trash bags. I do recommend a lid, but it doesn’t have to be hermetically sealed.
Nasal aspirator thing, aka snotsucker: Nosefrida or similar. At some point your baby will have a stuffy nose and be unable to breathe while latched on to the breast or bottle, and it will be a sad day for everyone. This device will unstuff their nose, and supposedly the filter keeps you from sucking their germs in. There are also electric versions. My babies hated having their noses cleaned in any way, but life is better once they can breathe freely.
Minimal version: the old-fashioned method is mouth-to-nose suction.
Some kind of spit cloths: babies vary a lot in how much they spit up. Even with not-very-spitty babies, we wanted some. You can use washcloths, old cloth diapers, cut-up flannel baby blankets, or whatever. You can get or make bandana-type drool bibs so the baby’s shirt doesn’t keep getting wet.
Some kind of bathtub: We used the bathroom sink for the first few months, and later a plastic tub that I think was meant to hold drinks. Even once they’re old enough to sit in the big tub, a small tub is nice because they can’t fall over so easily and it’s quicker to fill.
Minimal version: wash baby in the sink with a towel for padding, or take a bath with the baby and hold them. I find both more annoying, especially in sinks with a popup drain where the baby inevitably sits on the drain and the water all drains out.
Feeding
Somewhere comfortable to sit: If you’re breastfeeding, you will spend a lot of time sitting and feeding the baby. Some people just do that in bed or on a couch. The Ikea Poang chair is a popular cheap alternative to gliders or rockers. I prefer a chair with padded arms (for less head-bonking) and where I can rest both my elbows on the arms at once (for me, that’s a narrower chair). I do like a glider, and since I’m going to spend a lot of hours in this chair I did get one I thought would be maximally comfortable. If you want one that moves, I would go with a glider rather than a rocker. Rockers move around on your floor so you have to keep repositioning them after you’ve rocked for a while, and if you have cats or older children it can rock on their feet or tail.
If you have older children, you might want a glider where the gliding mechanism is not exposed, so nobody gets their hands and feet caught in it. DaVinci is one brand with a bunch of such gliders.
I’m paranoid about flame retardants in furniture, so I get one that’s not made with flame retardants (like Ikea or some other brands) or where I can take off the cushions and wash them. Since no one in our house smokes, our furniture is very unlikely to catch fire.
Footstool: if your feet don’t easily rest on the floor in your chair, a footstool of some kind is nice. I like this wooden kind.
I don’t know what people find best for bottlefeeding – I assume the chair is less important.
Breastfeeding pillow: something to rest the baby on while you’re feeding them. I have one for upstairs and one for downstairs. Boppy and the oddly-named My Brest Friend are the two common kinds.
Depending on the distance between your lap and your breasts, you might want a thicker pillow. I jam extra stuffing inside a Boppy kind.
Minimal version: use regular pillows, or feed the baby lying down.
Breastpump: If you’re going to be pumping at work. In the US, your insurance will probably cover a couple of models, but if you use it every day you might want to buy your own if the model you want isn’t covered. Wirecutter on pumps. I loved having one with a rechargeable battery so I didn’t have to plug it in everywhere, but you can also get an external battery for models that don’t come with this.
If you’re pumping every day, definitely get some way to pump hands-free, whether it’s a bra that can hold the pump parts, or an wearable pump. This way you can still use your computer, read, etc while you’re pumping.
There are a lot of in-bra models now that didn’t exist when I first looked into this; I would look at those if you’re going to pump at work. [Edited to add after the third child: I mostly liked these for travel. You can pump on the plane/train without occupying the bathroom so long.]
If you expect to pump only occasionally, a hand pump might do the job. Wirecutter recommends a couple. Either a battery-powered or hand-powered option is worth having for travel, public bathrooms, etc where you don’t necessarily want to bring your full electric pump or can’t plug it in.
Minimal version: hand express and you don’t need a pump at all. It’s slower and won’t get as much milk, though.
The Haakaa or similar very simple devices are good for catching milk to freeze in the early months, and much simpler to wash than everything else.
Some kind of bottles: Even when I was breastfeeding 95% of the time, we did a couple bottles a week. I would start with a few and then buy more if you like that kind, or try different kinds if not. Then buy more of the kind you like.
If your baby is not liking bottles, you might want to try different kinds of bottles and nipples. Some breastfeeding support groups have loaner kits where you can try out a bunch of different ones.
Something to dry bottles on: All those little bits can take over your counter very fast. There are various racks intended for drying bottle parts.
Minimal version: paper towel or dish towel on the counter
High chair: I love this one that buckles into a normal chair. We used it every day, and it’s light enough that we packed it in our suitcase (with clothes in the crevices) when traveling.
Clothes you can breastfeed in: If relevant. You can get ones that are specifically made for this. Or you can just lift your shirt up. One option is to wear a loose shirt with a tank top underneath, aka the two-shirt method.
Most dresses do not work for breastfeeding because you’d need to hike the whole thing up to your shoulders. Dresses can work fine if they have a wrap style, or have buttons at the neckline that can be undone, or are stretchy enough that you can pull the top down.
If you’ll be breastfeeding at night, think about sleep clothes. Button-down pajamas or stretchy tank tops work well.
(For the first few weeks when you’re figuring it out, don’t worry about clothes – just hang out at your house and feed the baby the best you can. You can figure out how to do it in clothes later. You may want curtains on your living room windows for this stage.)
Bras you can breastfeed in: Most people seem to like the kind with little buckles that open up. I’ve always used something like a stretchy cami bra that can be pulled out of the way. You might start by finding one you like and then getting more.
Breast pads: both disposable and reusable kinds are kind of annoying, but less annoying than leaking milk in your clothes.
Bib: For toddlers I get the kind with sleeves.
Sleeping
Swaddles:
The traditional blanket method is good to know, but velcro is easier and less likely to come undone. My favorite was this sleepsack with wings, so they can have arms out or in. More recommendations from Wirecutter. Some babies hate swaddling, so if you don’t want to get much gear you could start with a blanket and get a velcro one later if swaddling is useful. In a pinch while out of the house, we swaddled our first child in an adult’s jacket or any other thing we could wrap around her to get her to sleep.
If getting the Snoo, just use the kind that comes with that.
Something to sleep in during the early stage (first six months or so):
You could just go straight to a crib. You’ll be getting up to feed them a lot, so you might find it more convenient to have the crib in your room rather than in a separate room.
You could cosleep (sleep with baby in your bed), but if you already have two adults in the bed I’d recommend sidecar-ing another mattress or using a co-sleeper so the baby has room. Cosleeping is most dangerous when you do it without planning out of exhaustion – if you want to do it, figure out a safe setup where baby won’t fall off the bed, get trapped between mattress and wall, covered with a blanket, etc.
This time I am biting the bullet and getting this ridiculously expensive robo-bassinet that rocks and shushes the baby. (I’m getting it used, but they’re not cheap even used.) If it does result in significantly better sleep, even for 5 months of use that’s a cost of about $7/night, and as the parent of a newborn I would definitely pay $7 for an additional 30 or 60 minutes of sleep a night. [Edited to add, two months in: I’m happy we got this. Would recommend if you can afford it.]
Crib, crib mattress and crib sheets: Easy to get used. We kept them in cribs as long as possible, which worked well for us. Once they seemed on the verge of climbing out, we just moved them to the same crib mattress on the floor without the crib frame. If you’re in an area where things get damp, you may need to keep the mattress off the floor with a frame or some boards or something so the bottom doesn’t mold, but our area is dry enough that we just put the mattress on the floor.
A child doesn’t actually outgrow the size of a crib mattress until they’re 5 or so. [Edit later: one of our kids is still using her crib mattress at age 8, by choice.]
Crib sheets and waterproof mattress covers: I recommend the layering method so when your child wets the bed or whatever and you change the sheets in the middle of the night, you just take off the dirty layer instead of wrestling more sheets on.
Minimal version: cosleep in parents’ bed, but you probably still want a bigger mattress or an additional mattress to put alongside yours.
Night light: to see the baby a little while you’re feeding them at night. Some people find a red or amber light is less disruptive to their sleep than white light.
White noise machine: Especially when sleeping in the same room as the baby, this was helpful for everyone’s sleep. You can buy various machines. You can use an old phone and a white noise app. You can also use a fan.
Air conditioner: We didn’t have air conditioning for most of our time in Boston. But especially if you have a baby who normally sleeps swaddled, and it’s too hot to swaddle them, it’s a very rough night. We finally own a window air conditioner unit.
Minimal version: fans, just have bad sleep
Warm sleeping clothes: We used sleep sacks through age 3 or so (search for “wearable blanket” or “sleep sack”). Kids will kick off blankets, so in cool weather a zip-on sack keeps them warm better. Even in summer, a sack makes it much harder to get a leg over the side of the crib.
Or you can use warm footed pajamas, but we found it easier to zip on a sack over their usual clothes than to have separate pajamas.
Blackout curtains: Most people don’t go as far as we did, but we really liked being able to control when the room gets light. Your baby does not have to wake up at dawn. Some kind of blackout curtains will help with making night last until a later hour. If you want a really good seal, we made some curtains that velcro around the edges. There is a commercial version too.
Minimal version: try aluminum foil or black garbage bags first, or while traveling. It might get moldy if you leave it indefinitely, so I would take it down periodically and wipe off the windows.
Baby monitor: Unless your space is so tiny you can hear the baby from anywhere. We liked having one with two parent unites: one that lived in our bedroom all the time so we could hear the baby at night, and another one that we’d carry around during the day. I can see how a video one could be useful, but audio was fine for us.
Misc
Something to put the baby down in:
For the early weeks when they lie down a lot, we used a bassinet on the floor. Some people use the stroller.
For once they want to sit up and look around, we used some kind of bouncer seat. We liked the kind with a wire frame that you could push with your foot so that the whole thing bounces, like this or similar.
Teethers: I’m getting a natural rubber one because I’m not keen on them chewing on plastic.
Maybe
Something to change the baby on: You probably want a changing table if you have a c-section or have back or knee problems that makes it hard to be on the floor. I don’t find that I want one, and don’t plan to have one this time. You can change the baby on a mat on the floor, or just a folded towel on the floor. I switched to this after Lily fell off the changing table (which was my fault, but it made clear that I should switch to a more foolproof method). If you do want something at table height, you can use a changing mat on top of a low dresser – they make trays to hold the mat on top of the dresser.
Other swaddle type things: we used the Baby Merlin sleepsuit (basically a stiff snowsuit type garment that makes it hard for them to roll over) as a transition once our second baby started rolling over in the swaddle. There are various other kinds of swaddle-ish things. I wouldn’t get one preemptively, but worth trying if your baby is waking themselves a lot by rolling or startling.
Bumbo or other thing for the baby to sit in: marketed to help your baby learn to sit up, but the child development people think it’s bad for that. Can be useful for having the baby sit near you while you’re cooking, sorting laundry, etc. We had one but didn’t use it much.
Toys: people gave us random toys. You can wait and see what you get.
Baby shoes: they don’t need them, and it’s better for foot development to walk barefoot or in minimally structured shoes. For keeping feet warm, I’d use some kind of slipper that stays on with elastic or velcro. Once they learn to walk and need something to protect their feet outdoors, here are recommendations for flexible-soled shoes.
Baby food: we did the baby-led weaning method and gave the kids pieces of table food, and soft things like yogurt. Spoon-feeding can be more convenient in some ways (can be faster and less messy) and less convenient in other ways. Most parents do more spoon-feeding purees, which seems fine too.
A note on nurseries
A surprisingly large portion of the baby-related internet is devoted to setting up and decorating your baby’s nursery. If you enjoy decorating a baby-themed room, that’s cool. But be clear that aside from some basics, the room is for you, not the baby. They do not care if there is a color theme. They will not appreciate the wall art.
Make it comfortable, and optionally make it pretty if that’s something you’ll enjoy. But you’ll probably spend more time hanging out in the living room than you will in the baby’s room.
Once the baby is crawling, having their room be a fully childproofed “yes space” means you can leave them there while you go to the bathroom or whatever.
Toddlers do not have tastes that look good by Pinterest standards; as soon as they get some say in how the room is decorated they will probably want it full of rocks, things they found in the recycling, etc. More on scruffy spaces.