No important recommendations, just reflections on how we do stuff
My older kids are 7 and 5, and we’ve hit a period of envy and materialism that’s made Christmas a bit more complicated.
At this point, both of them are prone to crying whenever the other gets anything new. (One of the more extreme recent examples was A’s tantrum after L had a doctor’s visit and got a bag of popcorn on the way home. A was sure she would rather be sick too if it meant getting special popcorn.)
We’ve leaned minimalist but not as much as some families. Gifts are often secondhand, from Ebay or the thrift store.
When L was little, I made some dolls and toys for her. They were charming. But she didn’t like them any more than the large number of other toys people gave her. Plus it’s more wrenching to me when a handmade doll gets a haircut at the hands of a scissors-happy four-year-old than when it’s a storebought doll. I don’t bother anymore.
They do love getting new things, but the house is full of toys. There are boxes of toys that I’ve rotated out of circulation and we have all forgotten what’s inside. The situation is improved since I made a one-in, one-out rule and they have to get rid of something when bringing a new item into the house (mostly relevant when they find toys or random objects people are giving away on the curb).
A loves stuffed animals so much. We could just get her a new one every Christmas and birthday, and she would love each new one. But the mountain of forgotten stuffed animals would grow and grow, and I worry about the pattern it sets for her. The situation with L and plastic dolls is basically the same.
We have enough extended family that the kids get plenty of new things from family and friends even if Jeff and I were to give them nothing. At L’s first birthday party her grandfather knew she’d be getting plenty of toys, so he gave her clean containers from the recycling. Nothing is more exciting to a 12-month-old than getting into the recycling.
In the past they haven’t minded much what they got from who. This year I didn’t get toys for the kids because I knew they’d be getting several from other family members, and the house is already full of toys. Then I realized they’re old enough to realize and feel hurt if I don’t get them anything, so I got them clothes in the next size up. I do expect tears when one or both of them feels that the other got better clothes.
Jeff does his gift-giving by proxy: he lets each of the kids pick out a gift for each other, which he buys. They have similar tastes and do a good job picking out something the other will love. After L picked out a huge pink play tent for A last year I convinced Jeff to put some limits on size. I do think this does a nice job of letting them exercise some generosity, and it’s currently the only time they don’t feel envious of each other’s presents.